Fantasy-tastic Holiday

It's amazing in general how kids develop their own personalities. Watching Aethan's interests shift through the years has been so interesting and exciting. First it was Trains, then Dinosaurs and now Dragons. Now, when Aethan gets "interested" in something, like most Autistic children, it morphs itself more in to an obsession and then in to a world he escapes in to. These little guys have names, genders (only 1 female because his brother pointed out since he has eggs and baby dragons there needed to be a girl) and they all have special powers and abilities. As I clean it the drawers and file cabinets I will post the morphing of is Dragon drawings, which is spectacular from age 4 until now. 

     identity has also become somewhat confusing. Since he has no real interest in knowing what being "the best" actually means, he just assumes that in his world he is the best. In his world he is "a gamer." He's referring to his favorite video games- World of Warcraft (he plays under supervision, just in case anyone is thinking I am crazy) and any type of Pokemon. Some days are entirely filled with banter about which level or type a certain character is and he hums a soundtrack along with it. I have a hard time keeping up. 

    Aethan will turn 9 in a little over a week and I look forward to spending his birthday, just the 2 of us, at Islands of Adventure. 

It's not always sunny

Any mother would agree with the fact that your child won't always turn in to the image that you have created in your mind. We realize as our children get older that we have to let go of these little movies that we've made with our children as actors. If we hold on to every standard, to every hope for our child we spend all of our time disappointed in them. We get frustrated and we doubt ourselves. We question our parenting ability. This is a vicious cycle.
Over the past several years I've become quite accustomed to being the "success story." I am that Mom that overcame Autism. It's an image I really love, but every so often I have to let that image melt away and see this life for what it is.
     Now, I am a firm believer that labels and diagnoses are hindrances rather than therapeutic tools, but I have to look very deeply very often and stop letting my ideals get in the way with what is best for my child.
Several weeks ago I received a call from Aethan's teacher. She wanted to inform me that Aethan had gotten in to severe trouble at school that day. He had "inappropriately" touched a female teacher. My heart sank in to my stomach. How could this be? Aethan is sooooo space cautious. It turns out that another child had done the same to him in a teasing manner and then convinced him to repeat the action. The same little boy also had convinced him the week before that there was no school on Monday and that summer was only 10 days away.
     I realized very quickly that Aethan is being targeted. His trusting nature is being used at the base of other kids' fun. Had I been ignoring this for these months? After this incident I started to watch him go down a harsh slope. More calls from the teacher, from the after school program, his assistant principle. He has started "phasing out" at home again. I watch him completely check out when he is being talked to. He's chewing on his hair. He is flapping his arms. He's repeating himself 3-4 times. He can't answer basic questions. Is this possible? Is it possible for a traumatic moment to throw a kid back in to full blown autism?
    I keep telling myself to stay calm. Don't jump to conclusions. You know how to handle this. Change his diet. Get him in to martial arts. Limit video games. Spend more time with him. I know these things work. I also know how long they take. Am I going to lose him again before I have the chance? It's like having a giant grey cloud surface between you and your child. You are yelling for him, but he can't hear you. It's like running through a crowded mall frantically hoping to see his head pop up in the crowd.
   I've been sitting on this sunny beach for years, enjoying the glow and the clarity. Well, honey, it's not always going to be sunny. The thunderstorm clouds just rolled in.

From Autism to Asperger's

We saw Aethan's psychologist yesterday to begin a re-evaluation. She was so impressed with him and how well he has matured. She asked me what I had done with him... that there were so many changes. The last time we were at her office he did not even speak. I was glad Aethan was himself at the appointment. He drew pictures in his journal and hummed to himself as he always does. When she asked him a question he didn't understand he innocently changed the subject. He didn't have any interest in why he was there and genuinely was happy just being out of school for the day. At the end of the interview, the doctor told me she believed he fit the categories of Asperger's Syndrome and that it would be beneficial for Aethan to have more time in school for testing and tasks. I was happy with this. I already knew everything she said, but the confirmation was really nice. There are still more steps to go in this process and she would like to do some of the testing that she was unable to do at his previous visits. She gave me the checklists for me to fill out and for his teachers to fill out. My hope is to have an understanding of what he needs within the education system before we get to 3rd grade standardized testing. I am so proud of him for all he has become. And for never failing to be himself.

8 Years Old!

I can't believe Aethan is 8. I watch his 2 year old brother and remember all of the things Aethan did when he was 2. Of course, we were so worried about things like if he would ever speak or go to school at the time. I try to take more time now to be thankful. I am so grateful for this little kid and every part of his little personality. I never thought he'd be able to walk up to the cashier at Walmart and hand the guy his gift cards and tell him exactly what he wanted, or choose his favorite flavor of gluten free cupcakes, or his favorite restaurant. Today has been awesome. We got to spend all day celebrating him. I am so lucky to be Aethan's mom.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Aethan's Dream House

Our house is like a craft store. We have scissors and tape and paper sticking out of every cabinet and all over the dining room table. A fee weeks back, Vince told Aethan we would be moving in
a couple years to a new house. This got his imagination really going, so out the paper and scissors and tape came. He constructed "our new house" out of computer paper. It is round and has about a hundred windows. There is a park in the middle and an indoor pool. Outside, he constructed a tree house and tiny little swings. Today he informed me we would be adding a roller coaster. He also informed me we would have to build this house because it doesn't exist anywhere. It seems I will have to take my little architect with me when we pick out our new house!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gimme a Crest

Parenting is one of those "pick your battles" type of things. Aethan is very non-confrontational when it comes to following instructions. He watches his little brother, does his chores without complaining and just generally puts up with having a life of continuous movement and responsibility. So when Aethan asks for things it's really hard to say "No."

Most of the things he asks for are reasonable.. to go to the park, buy craft supplies, hot dogs. He's easily pleased. He pretty much likes a part of everything. We went to office depot this morning and he was extatic because I told him he could buy binder inserts for his football cards (He doesn't know it, but we actually drove all the way up there for that specifically. I could've waited for copy paper. I'm a big sucker)

The thing I find motivates Aethan to be happy and excited is his ability to be his unique self. I pride myself on not stifling that. It's always something. Some thing that makes the other parents look sideways at him. Last week he wanted to wear his leather biker vest to school every day. The week before he wanted his hair cut in to a mohawk. (When we went to the hair salon he told the stylist he wanted a "crest." She looked at me and I said - "Like a Dinosaur. He wants a mohawk." He giggled through the whole hair cut as he got his way. This week he saw my henna tattoos and wanted some of his own. (In the same places too.) He insisted that I draw on him a Spinosaurus and a Pteranadon. He also watched me copying patterns out of a binder. He got a binder, drew all of his dinosaurs in it and then demanded that I copy his henna tattoos out of his binder. I love his dinosaurs. I had no problem with this. The challenge was making them as cool as he did.

I hope he continues to be unique. Continues to not give a care about what others thing and goes in the path of standing out when it makes him feel confident in himself. I fear the upcoming years will rob him of that, so I am going to encourage him as much as possible in the meantime.

Holiday Happenings

Christmas is always pretty exciting around here. Because of the split families, our kids get a lot of attention...and a lot of gifts! This year Aethan was just as focused on his brothers as he was on himself. His reaction was fantastic, when he received the gift on top of his list... His very own Squirbble. (this is that vintage toy from the 70's- a little fuzzy worm with a string attached so you can pretend it's moving) He carries this thing Round in a notebook and logs all the experiments he does with it. Hey! It's improving his writing skills! But of course it was all about dinosaurs this year too. I don't think there is any dinosaur swag left he doesn't have. It's just so easy to give things to Aethan. He is so gracious and excited.. So hard not to get carried away. Especially since his birthday is next week! Off to another amazing year with my amazing child!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone