It's not always sunny

Any mother would agree with the fact that your child won't always turn in to the image that you have created in your mind. We realize as our children get older that we have to let go of these little movies that we've made with our children as actors. If we hold on to every standard, to every hope for our child we spend all of our time disappointed in them. We get frustrated and we doubt ourselves. We question our parenting ability. This is a vicious cycle.
Over the past several years I've become quite accustomed to being the "success story." I am that Mom that overcame Autism. It's an image I really love, but every so often I have to let that image melt away and see this life for what it is.
     Now, I am a firm believer that labels and diagnoses are hindrances rather than therapeutic tools, but I have to look very deeply very often and stop letting my ideals get in the way with what is best for my child.
Several weeks ago I received a call from Aethan's teacher. She wanted to inform me that Aethan had gotten in to severe trouble at school that day. He had "inappropriately" touched a female teacher. My heart sank in to my stomach. How could this be? Aethan is sooooo space cautious. It turns out that another child had done the same to him in a teasing manner and then convinced him to repeat the action. The same little boy also had convinced him the week before that there was no school on Monday and that summer was only 10 days away.
     I realized very quickly that Aethan is being targeted. His trusting nature is being used at the base of other kids' fun. Had I been ignoring this for these months? After this incident I started to watch him go down a harsh slope. More calls from the teacher, from the after school program, his assistant principle. He has started "phasing out" at home again. I watch him completely check out when he is being talked to. He's chewing on his hair. He is flapping his arms. He's repeating himself 3-4 times. He can't answer basic questions. Is this possible? Is it possible for a traumatic moment to throw a kid back in to full blown autism?
    I keep telling myself to stay calm. Don't jump to conclusions. You know how to handle this. Change his diet. Get him in to martial arts. Limit video games. Spend more time with him. I know these things work. I also know how long they take. Am I going to lose him again before I have the chance? It's like having a giant grey cloud surface between you and your child. You are yelling for him, but he can't hear you. It's like running through a crowded mall frantically hoping to see his head pop up in the crowd.
   I've been sitting on this sunny beach for years, enjoying the glow and the clarity. Well, honey, it's not always going to be sunny. The thunderstorm clouds just rolled in.